


To Forget You

by PeridotWritesFic



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Anxiety, Clubbing, College AU, Dancing with a stranger, Eventual Happy Ending, Human AU, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, More Angst than originally intended, Multi, Panic Attacks, Punk AU, Song fic, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:55:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22965748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeridotWritesFic/pseuds/PeridotWritesFic
Summary: Virgil finds himself in a crowded club on a Friday night trying to forget his heartache.  Based loosely on Dancing With A Stranger by Sam Smith and using physical appearance of characters from asofterfan's Punk AU.This story is on temporary hiatus. I'm so sorry.
Relationships: Anxiety Virgil Sanders/October Toby Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Sleep | Remy Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Polyamsanders
Comments: 63
Kudos: 96





	1. Look What You Made Me Do

Virgil tried to shut out as much of the club as he could, but it was difficult even in his seat at the far end of the bar. The music was loud enough that Virgil could feel the bass in his chest, the smell of alcohol and sweat was thick in the air, and the sight of young people in minimal clothing dancing against each other under flashing lights was impossible to ignore for long. He wished he could just go back to his dorm room or, even better, go out and stargaze in that field behind…

The young man mentally shook himself and took another drink of his beer. The whole reason Virgil was here tonight was to escape those thoughts. Nothing else would drive him into a club, even a LGBT friendly punk club, on a Friday night. He hated crowds and loud noises, even strong scents bothered him. If he wasn’t trying not to think about the crush that was, well, crushing him, there was no way in hell he’d be here.

Virgil downed the last of his beer and set the glass on the bar. He was contemplating getting another when, in the brief pause between songs, he heard the most beautiful, melodic laugh ever. His eyes darted in the direction of the sound and saw a beautiful fair haired man in sinfully tight tan suit pants and a white button down shirt rolled up to his elbows. To say he looked out of place in a crowd of punks with Mohawks, piercings, spikes, and chains was an understatement, yet he fit in, chatting amicably with people as he headed toward the only empty place at the bar, the place beside Virgil.

Virgil quickly looked down and fiddled with his empty glass to avoid being caught staring. The mas was gorgeous and, even better, the polar opposite of the man he was trying to forget. He was the perfect distraction, if he would just go away so Virgil could watch him covertly without being creepy. Of course, just because that was what Virgil wanted it wasn’t going to happen. Oh no, the gorgeous man started chatting up the bartender, saying something about a ‘Most Glorious Opening Night’ and ordered two beers. 

Virgil chanced a glance up at the man beside him from under his purple bangs. Fortunately the other man, (the bartender had called him Roman) was looking out over the club, a relaxed smile on his face. Virgil quickly looked down again, his blush intensifying under his foundation. Roman was so so gorgeous and so so out of his league. Maybe if the stranger wasn’t so hot and if Virgil wasn’t quite so sober he would have made a pass at him. 

And speaking of passes, the hot blonde passed Virgil a beer with a warm smile and the beginning of some meaningless conversation. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that Roman was dramatic, funny, charming, and had more in common with Virgil than expected. What mattered was that Virgil wasn’t quite so sober after that second beer and Roman looked nothing like Logan. When Roman suggested a dance, something he’d never done with Logan, Virgil was quick to accept.

The song was slow and seductive, if a little bit sad. Virgil paid it no mind, just pressing himself up against Roman and swaying to the beat, letting all his thoughts and worries float away. Roman’s hands felt so hot on his hips, guiding him and keeping him close. It was new and different and so so good. So good that Virgil stayed in this stranger’s arms even after the song ended, and the song after that.

He smiled when Roman asked for his number at the end of the night, but declined. Virgil wasn’t ready for another heartbreak, yet. He did tell hot, blonde and charming his name just before he slipped out of his arms and exited the club with a smirk. Virgil might enjoy clubs more than he thought.


	2. I'm With Somebody New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The following evening, Virgil meets somebody new

Saturday night Virgil walked into the same LGBT friendly punk club, and this time he came prepared. Last night he’d just worn his usual ripped jeans, distressed t-shirt, spiked hoodie, and combat boots. This time he wore purple lipstick and winged eyeliner to compliment his purple mesh top and tight black jeans. His purple converse were better for dancing than his combat boots, and the chains dangling from his belt swayed with his hips, catching the light and drawing attention down his body. 

A few minutes after entering Virgil has already been approached by a couple girls (not happening, gay), a Logan look-alike, and a manipulative asshole. He bit his lower lip and scanned the dancefloor, this is not what he’d been hoping for when he’d dressed up earlier. Virgil was looking for a polite way to extricate himself from his unwanted admirers when a sweet little pastel punk in a flouncy skirt with matching hair bow skipped up to Virgil like they were the dearest of old friends and pulled Virgil onto the dance floor. 

The bubbly pastel punk introduced himself as Patton once they were out of earshot of Virgil’s former companions. Virgil introduced himself, somehow making Patton’s smile even brighter. They stayed on the dancefloor together for a couple songs with Patton doing silly moves and making Virgil giggle. When it was clear that Virgil was getting breathless from dancing and laughter, Patton took his hand and led him out of the club to get some air.

Virgil was pleasantly surprised when Patton didn’t let go of his hand once they were outside. Patton kept hold of his hand, not tight, he could get out if he wanted, and rab his thumb gently over Virgil’s knuckles while he earnestly complimented Virgil’s makeup and asked for tips to do his own better. Virgil thought Patton’s makeup was perfect as it was, light and sparkly, but gave him some info on how he did his own makeup anyway. They kept talking and holding hands as they walked to a nearby ice cream parlor for a snack.

This time, Virgil did give the other man his phone number when asked and Patton gleefully typed his own number into Virgil’s phone. He was tempted to ask to see Patton again, but the memory of Logan’s face the moment everything came crashing down stopped him. He wasn’t ready yet. For now he waved at Patton, wishing him good night, before catching a bus back to campus. No, not yet, Virgil thought as he watched the streetlights through the bus window, he wasn’t done forgetting yet.


	3. The Things You Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How it all started

A week ago, Virgil had been sitting with Logan, his lab partner, friend, and crush, stargazing in the field behind the campus recreation center. They’d been sitting there in companionable silence, waiting for the meteor shower that was supposed to start shortly. Virgil was thinking that the only way this moment could be better was if Logan knew how Virgil felt and wanted to kiss him as much as Virgil did.

“I think you’d get along well with my boyfriends.” And with that, the fantasy was dead. Logan was committed. Gay, but in love with someone else. Someones else? It didn’t matter. Virgil could never have a special place in Logan’s heart. 

“Oh, what makes you say that?” Virgil asked, trying to keep his breathing slow and even and his voice from wavering. Now that he knew, he could not let Logan find out how he felt. That would be the end of everything, not just his crush and his fantasy of them together, but of their friendship. 

“Several reasons. My boyfriends are some of the most important people in my life-” Virgil didn’t process any more than that. The words were too painful and their meaning all too clear. They were important, Virgil was not. Logan was in love with them, not Virgil. Logan may have even figured out how Virgil felt and be trying to let him down without embarrassing him. 

“-would like to meet you, Virgil, if that’s acceptable?” Virgil turned and looked at Logan, caught in the intense gaze his lab partner, his friend, his crush, was giving him. He felt his heart shatter like glass and stood quickly.

“I’m really tired, think I’ll skip the meteor shower tonight.” Virgil was already walking away, ignoring Logan when he called his name. He couldn’t face that look again, the look like he knew what Virgil felt and expected Virgil to go along and meet the people who had his crush’s heart. He couldn’t do it. “I’ll see you in lab” 

Virgil did not, in fact, see Logan in lab. Virgil emailed his professor that he was sick and stayed in his dorm room. He ignored texts and calls from Logan, but he couldn’t ignore his own thoughts. Logan was everywhere he went. The time Logan had crashed in his dorm room instead of driving to his off campus apartment after a long study session. The hours they’d spent playfully arguing about music and favorite books in the library. The field where they used to stargaze…

Which is how Virgil found himself in a club he’d never been in before on a Friday night.


	4. Oh Baby, Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil takes one home

Virgil was in trouble, the most trouble he’d even been in his life, and that was saying something. Coming to the same club for a third night in a row might have been the start of it. The pleated purple and black plaid shirt and tank top he was wearing probably didn’t help much either. And the way Virgil had been seductively dancing in the middle of the dance floor after his jello shot had definitely led to this moment.

Yup, Virgil was in deep shit because the hottest, the coolest, the most incredible punk from his university was looking at him and it was all Virgil could do to keep breathing. His orange ombre hair glowed under the club lights making him look like some kind of punk divinity, and he might as well be. Virgil was pretty sure he’d died because Toby, THE Toby Denison was walking right towards him!

A bright pink tongue darted out between Toby’s full black lips and swiped across the punk’s lips ring. The sight made Virgil visibly swallow, but at least he was breathing normally again. That stopped as soon as Toby asked him to dance. Him, Virgil, the most antisocial, least outgoing, most basic punk ever, and Toby wanted to dance with him. Virgil wanted to say no, let the floor swallow him up and never be heard from again, but Toby held out his hand, and who was he to deny his infernal hotness?

It… wasn’t that bad? It was good even. Toby kept the beat but let Virgil come to him at his own pace, sending him flirtatious looks, but not using his hands until Virgil, confidence slowly building again, put Toby’s hands on his hips. The glowing orange punk nodded at the DJ, and the next song was steamy. Virgil could hardly believe that Toby would use his influence on the Dj to flirt with him, but he wasn’t arguing. 

By the third or fourth song, Virgil had lost track, he and Toby were grinding through their clothes, both clearly aroused and focused solely on each other. Toby’s hands squeezed the backs of Virgil’s thighs and Virgil clung to Toby’s shoulders. Moaning in the other man’s ear. He felt more than saw the smirk Toby gave him against his neck. The shorter man pulled away, raising an eyebrow at Virgil and tilting his head towards the club doors. 

If Virgil was ever ready for a one night stand it was now. He nodded and Toby grinned, kissed him quickly, and started pulling Virgil towards the exit. As soon as they were outside their lips locked again, purple and black lipstick smudging and tongues gliding. It was hot and fast and just what Virgil needed. They made out, groped, and moaned all the way to Toby’s car, only exchanging the most minimal of dialogue: ‘your place?’ ‘yeah’ ‘directions’ 

It wasn’t until they were kissing in front of Virgil’s dorm, Toby’s hands in his hair and Virgil’s hands in Toby’s back pockets that Toby added “Just so you know, I’m in an open relationship. You still-”

Virgil kissed him again to shut him up and because, yes, he just really liked kissing the black from those sexy fucking lips. “You got protection” he asked when their lips finally parted?

“Of course”

“Then it doesn’t matter.” Virgil grabbed his key and Toby’s belt loop to pull the other man inside. He didn’t want to hear about anyone else, and while this was fun, he wasn’t looking to crush and get crushed again. It’s just a one night stand. If that was all it was, they’d both be okay.


	5. I Don't Want to be Alone Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil had a very good weekend, but it's time to get back to class.

It had been a very good night, Virgil thought as he turned over the scrap of paper with Toby’s name and number on it. Toby had been considerate and passionate, checking in with a raised brow or a questioning tilt of his head before doing something new. Virgil smiled at the memory, he hadn’t had to talk, just nod or shake his head, no words needed. 

He slipped the scrap of paper into his bag, grabbed his coffee and headed to his first class of the day, a creative writing class. It was a good class, one that rarely required any participation beyond writing and critiquing. Virgil was mostly looking forward to his creative writing class because he had Earth and Climate this afternoon, the lecture portion of his science lab that he shared with Logan and he wanted a distraction. 

Virgil lost himself in his creative writing class, critiquing a beautiful sci-fi short story one his classmates had written and starting his next assignment, writing a scene depicting strong emotions without naming the emotions. He didn’t mean to, at least not consciously, but the characters he wrote were very similar to himself and Logan, and the story similar to the last conversation they’d had. Virgil waded up his draft and tossed it in the waste bin on his way out.

Earth and Climate was a disaster. Virgil knew he couldn’t skip again, but he couldn’t take seeing Logan, his crush he would never have a chance with, sitting next to him acting like nothing had happened; or worse, acting like he pitied Virgil. Instead of taking his usual seat in the third row closest to the door where Logan sat beside him, Virgil snagged a seat in the middle of the front row. He was uncomfortable being up at the front and being in the center, but at least even Logan decided to move and sit next to him Logan wouldn’t dare talk about anything but the lesson right in front of their professor.

Logan did not come sit next to Virgil, but Virgil felt his eyes on the back of his head the entire lecture. He tried to ignore it and focus on the lecture but Professor Sprout spoke in a monotone and everything he spoke about had already been covered in the assigned reading. So Virgil sat for an hour and a half practicing his breathing exercises and trying not to get overly anxious as Logan continued to stare. 

He wasn’t sure if Logan tried to stop him after the lecture. Virgil bolted the second they were dismissed and did not stop until he reached his dorm room. He leaned against the closed door, breathing deeply, hands trembling and clammy. Virgil groaned and lightly knocked his head back against the door. He was so not over Logan, and they still had over half a semester left as lab partners. Virgil would have to face him, and soon, but not yet. He let out a breath and unzipped his bag, pulling out the slip of paper with Toby’s info on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this was meant to be a cute short fic that was maybe six chapters long...  
> It's evolved into something a bit longer and this may not even be it's final form?  
> Thank you for bearing with me this far.


	6. Look What You Made Me Do: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long day and it's about to be a long night.

Virgil sighed as he entered the club again. Apparently the place was called Anarchy, fitting for a place that seemed to cater to minority groups and those who resent authority. He figured it was his fourth night in a row coming to this place, he ought to at least know the name. Virgil also thought it was pretty amazing that the place was open on a Monday night, but he wasn’t complaining. It was significantly quieter and less crowded than it had been on the weekend.

Virgil looked around, really looked around, and noticed there were a few unoccupied booths on the edges of the dancefloor. He slipped into one where he could see the entrance and the bar, ideal for people watching. Well, he wasn’t really people watching, he was looking for a hookup. 

Virgil leaned back with a small frown. He’d texted Patton first, but he’d claimed to be babysitting tonight and had suggested they hang out later that week instead. Then Virgil had reluctantly texted Toby. He didn’t want to seem clingy and he didn’t want to turn whatever they had into a thing but he also really didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts tonight. Toby had claimed other plans, but had also said he enjoyed last night and wanted a round two another night. Virgil had blushed when he’d read that.

So here he was, sitting alone in a nightclub on a Monday night. Pathetic. Virgil considered his options. He could stay and get a drink, but he had class in the morning and, if he was honest with himself, he’d been drinking more than normal lately. He didn’t want it to become a habit. Virgil looked at the handful of people on the dancefloor. He could dance, but with so few people dancing he felt too exposed. Virgil didn’t really want to dance alone anyway. 

He could leave and go back to his dorm, spend the night alone with his thoughts. Virgil’s chest and throat felt tight at the thought. No, that wasn’t an option. He could go to the campus library which, being a place for stressed out college students with weird schedules, was open until 2am. Virgil rejected that idea immediately. Logan might be there, and even if he wasn’t, the memory of Logan would be everywhere. 

Virgil was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Gorgeous, Blond, and Charming until he was standing next to Virgil and cleared his throat. Virgil startled and swore which only made Roman smile wider as he slid into the seat across from Virgil. He glared back, but at least he wasn’t alone anymore.  
“What’s a handsome man like you doing in a place like this, my dark and stormy knight?” Virgil snorted, ‘dark and stormy knight’? Who says things like that?

“Was that supposed to be a pick-up line Princey, cuz I’m not biting.” 

Roman feigned offence, “Princey? Is that your idea of a nickname, Hot Topic?”

“Aw, you think I’m hot” Virgil smirked at Roman who rolled his eyes.

“True, but not the point.” Virgil felt himself flush at the compliment. 

“The point,” Roman continued, a slight blush suffusing his cheeks, “is that I didn’t get your contact info last time and I would like to correct that.”

Virgil raised his eyebrow at Princey, “Really Romano? I thought you got plenty of,” Virgil slid the tip of his boot up the inside of Roman’s calf under the table, “contact.”

Roman spluttered and Virgil smirked. It looked like Princey was caught between addressing the nickname,and flirting back. Virgil knew that flirting like that had been a bit of a risk, there were so many ways it could have gone wrong, but Roman’s response was well worth it.

“Well JD lightful,” Roman leaned forward and suddenly Virgil had to suppress a pleasant shiver as a hand lightly caressed his knee, “I’d like to get to know you better, and perhaps enjoy some more contact if you’d like.”

Virgil’s tongue darted out to wet his lips and Roman’s eyes followed the movement, pupils dilating. 

“What did you have in mind” Virgil asked? He wanted to spend time with Roman, he did, but this ‘get to know you’ and ‘more contact’ sounded dangerously close to romantic territory. Unbidden and unwanted, memories of Logan started flooding his brain. When they’d first become lab partners and Logan had proposed meeting outside of class to ‘get to know how they would work together for the rest of the semester’. The first time they’d hung out as friends, not just classmates forced to work together. That time they’d fallen asleep in Virgil’s room and Virgil had woken up to find their fingers entwined.

“Well,” Roman said slowly, jerking Virgil abruptly back to the present, “I know a diner nearby that’s open late.” Princey’s gaze drifted to the DJ booth. “We could get a bite, chat, and go from there.” 

Yeah, that sounded like a date, but the way Roman said it so casually without eye contact made Virgil relax. It wasn’t a date, it was just two people getting food. As if on cue Virgil’s stomach grumbled and reminded him that he hadn’t eaten anything today besides coffee.

“Okay, but you’re gonna have to step up your nicknames, Prince Charming.” 

Roman beamed at him and Virgil was hard pressed not to compare him to a golden retriever who had just been told they were going to the park. 

“Excellent!” The young man sprang out of his seat and offered a hand to Virgil. “I promise you won’t regret it Panic! At the nightclub.” 

Virgil smothered a laugh and took Roman’s hand, letting the other man help him up. “That was terrible.” But he still followed Roman out of the club and two blocks over to Roman’s favorite diner. 

They chatted over their meals, finding out that they both went to the local university but that Roman was a theater student and lived off campus which is why they hadn’t run into each other. They argued over Disney movies and music and traded insulting nicknames without malice. All too soon they’d finished eating and paid their bill (Roman had offered to cover all of it but Virgil had insisted on paying his own way. After all, this wasn’t a date).

They ended up going back to Roman’s apartment, a rather large one that he said he shared with two other men. Roman had escorted him quickly through the main living area and into his room, claiming the shared parts were messy. If Virgil had been looking, he might have noticed a familiar galaxy patterned backpack covered with patches and pins sitting next to the couch or a pastel blue hair bow on the coffee table.But all Virgil saw was a basic apartment layout before he and Roman were inside Roman’s over the top and barely organized room. 

He fell asleep on Roman’s bed, snuggled against his side in the middle of a Steven Universe episode.


	7. I'm Not Over You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and his phone

Virgil woke up shortly after 7 to find Roman’s arm and leg draped across him, the blond snoring softly, mouth open and drooling on his pillow. It was ridiculous and endearing, especially paired with Roman’s wild bed head. He could hear the sound of someone else in the apartment, Roman’s roommates must be up. Virgil didn’t particularly want to meet strangers after spending the night with their roommate. He also didn’t want to wake Prince Charming and he didn’t have class until noon. Virgil resigned himself to laying awake for a while and grabbed his phone from the nightstand.

Once he’d unlocked it Virgil was confronted by the notification that he had ‘6 unread messages from Logan’. Virgil considered ignoring the messages again, but something, maybe the confidence of making new friends *cough ahem fuck buddies cough* or maybe the comfort of being held close made him decide to open them. Virgil quickly scrolled up to the first unread text. 

“Virgil, I apologize if I upset you tonight. I hope you rest well.” That was a few minutes after Virgil had run off the night of the meteor shower. The next one was from the following afternoon.

“Virgil, I have waited this long to attempt to contact you out of respect for your horrendous sleep schedule.” He couldn’t repress a small huff of amusement at that. Logan never did understand how he could sleep in. “However,” Virgil continued reading, “the question from last night still stands. Please reply at your earliest convenience.”

Virgil frowned, something about that didn’t sound right. Was… was Logan worried about him? The next text was more obvious. 

:”Virgil, you have not contacted me since Saturday and you missed our lab today. I can only conclude you are seriously ill, hurt, or that I have done something inexcusable. Please, let me know you’re okay.”

Virgil felt a knot of guilt in his stomach. He’d let Logan think something terrible had happened to him. The next message made his chest feel tight.

“Virgil, I’m sorry. I should not be texting you again when your lack of response suggests you do not wish to hear from me. I will desist.”

He had a hard time reading the next text, his vision was blurry.

“Virgil, that was a falsehood. I will not desist. You are my friend and if there is any chance of salvaging our friendship I will take it. Please give me a chance.”

Warmth dripped down Virgil’s cheek. There was one last message from yesterday after their lecture.

“Your presence in my life is greatly missed.”

Virgil took a shuddering breath and typed a reply, deleted it, typed again and hesitated, finger over the send button. Roman’s arm tightens around him slightly, almost like an encouraging hug and Virgil hits the button.

“I miss you too. I’m sorry. I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

Just after Virgil sent his text, an electronic ping sounded elsewhere in the apartment. There was a pause in the movements from Roman’s roomate(s)? And then Virgil was distracted by his phone vibrating in his hand. It was a reply from Logan. He was about to open it when his phone vibrated again, this time with a new message from Patton. The vibrations seemed to disturb Roman’s sleep, making him frown and curl tighter around Virgil.

“Protect” Princey murmured sleepily before snoring lightly again. Virgil felt his stomach do a flip at that word. Sure, Roman was probably dreaming of something completely different, but it almost felt, for a moment, like he wanted to protect him. Like Virgil was someone precious and worth the fuss of protecting and texting and caring about. He closed his eyes again and snuggled closer into Roman’s embrace. That would make a nice dream.


	8. I'm With Somebody New Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil gets coffee with Patton.

Virgil relaxed marginally as he entered the on campus cafe, Hallowed Grounds, and let the smell of fresh coffee wash over him. He relaxed further when he saw Patton waving at him from a corner booth, two steaming cups in front of him. Virgil made his way over and sat down across from the beaming patel punk, this time in jeans instead of a skirt with knee high pastel blue boots and… did that adorable pink sweater have spikes on the shoulders?

“Why, yes it does, Virge! I added them myself” Patton said eagerly. Oh crap, Virgil had said that last part out loud. Patton slid a steaming mug of black coffee over in front of him.

“It looks good, Pat. Thanks for the coffee.” Virgil lifted the mug, taking a deep breath to enjoy the scent as much as to keep him calm in a social situation, before taking a sip. Dark roast, no sugar, just the way he liked it. 

“Not that I’m complaining,” Virgil says carefully, trying not to upset his… Patton, yet, “but, uh, how’d you know how I like my coffee?” The only person who knew, aside from a campus barista or two, was-

“Oh, I asked Rem. You said you came here before so I thought he might know.” Patton smiled and waved at the man in aviators behind the counter. The man, Rem apparently, gave Patton a two finger salute. Virgil was almost certain this barista had never made coffee for him before, but he did look familiar. 

“That’s- thanks.”

“No problem Virge.” Patton gave him a sweet smile over his own mug of hot chocolate before taking a sip. “But I gotta be honest with you,” Virgil tensed a little at that, “I want to hang out with you, but I also get the feeling you need to talk.”

His first instinct was to deny it, but his hyper awareness of the phone in his pocket, and well, everything going on make him pause. In the silence, Patton continues, looking out the window next to their booth.  
“When we first met at Anarchy? You looked scared and overwhelmed, and I thought it was just the people trying to get into your pants-” 

Virgil blinked, he was not expecting Patton to be so blunt about that. Maybe it was just the aesthetic, but he thought the pastel punk would be all sunshine and rainbows. Virgil silently decided to take Patton more seriously.

“-but then, even after you were away from them, even when you were laughing, it still felt off.”  
Patton reached forward slowly, giving Virgil ample time to avoid the physical contact, before taking his free hand and cradling it lovingly in his own. “What I’m trying to say is, if you need to talk to someone, I’d like to listen.”

Patton went to remove his hand and Virgil found himself holding on. They both shared a moment of surprise before settling into the continued contact, Patton starting to rub his thumb over Virgil’s knuckles like when they’d first met.

“I- you hardly know me. Why would you-”

“Because that’s what friends do, Virgil, and I would like to be your friend. You’re a good guy Virgil and it seems to me like you’re going through a tough time.”

“I uh- It’s not that bad.” He felt Patton squeeze his hand and looked up into sweet light-blue eyes. Virgil melted.

“It’s this friend,” 

They sat there for a good half hour, holding hands and sipping their drinks as Virgil finally opened up and told someone about what had been bothering him for over a week. When he finished he leaned his head back, eyes closing as his head rested against the back of his seat.

“I finally texted him this morning, and he texted back, but I just don’t know what to do from here. I spent all weekend trying to forget but no matter what I do I can’t make these feelings go away.”

“Well, did you think you might not have to?”

Virgil’s eyes snapped open and he looked at Patton, eyes wide and brow raised. Patton simply put down his empty mug and cradled Virgil’s hand in both of his own.

“Your friend sounds like a good person, I don’t think you’d care about him this much if he weren’t. I don’t think a good friend, someone who clearly cares about you a whole heckin lot based on those texts, would mind if you just told him how you feel.”

“But,” Virgil’s voice was quiet and subdued as he gazed down at the table, “what if how I feel hurts him or destroys our friendship? What if I ruin what we have by wanting something more?” 

“Verge, will you look at me, please?” 

Virgil looked up at Patton who gave him a small comforting smile.

“You’re braver than you believe and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.”

“Winnie the Pooh.” Virgil replied, surprised by the reference.

“Yeah,” Patton blushed a little, “it is from a cartoon, but it’s a good phrase to remember. Virgil, you have what it takes, courage, strength of character, and intelligence to tell Logan the truth. It sounds like running away from talking about it has already hurt both of you, the truth might set you free.”

Virgil felt like he’d been doused with ice water. He quickly pulled his hand away, leaving Patton looking hurt and confused.

“I never told you his name.” He bolted, leaving behind a distressed Patton and an unfinished coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the angsty cliff-hanger ending. I swear that was not on purpose, it kind of happened. This story is writing itself at this point and I'm along for the ride.


	9. It's Pretty Clear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil performs Panic! At The Library. Chapter contains panic attack.

God, he was so stupid! He should know better by now. You’d think a childhood of heartbreak, a young-adulthood of being used and manipulated, and a lifetime of vulnerability would have taught him NOT to be so fucking trusting, but here he was, again. Virgil walked around campus quickly but with no conscious direction, hood up and shoulders hunched. 

Patton knew Logan. He knew how he took his coffee, only Logan knew that, not some rando barista. Patton didn’t care about Virgil, he wasn’t Virgil’s friend, he was Logan’s friend, maybe even one of his boyfriends and Virgil had- Oh god, Virgil had told one of Logan’s boyfriends that he was crushing on Logan. If he didn’t know before, Logan almost certainly knew by now. Patton in the name of ‘honesty’ would tell him and-

It was over. He couldn’t trust them, not the man he had thought of as his closest friend since childhood, not his lab partner turned friend turned crush, and not his new friend. Could he even trust Roman or Toby? He’d met them all at the same time, was it a coincidence or were they all messing with him? Virgil could feel hot tracks of liquid on his cheeks melting his foundation. His breath was coming faster and sharper. He was going to have a full-on panic attack soon. 

Virgil veered right, just barely avoiding crashing into a group of giggling girls, and ducked into the library. He needed to be somewhere calm and quiet while he got through this. Being outside surrounded by strangers who might call 911 and land him with more attention and medical bills was not ideal. The basement level held bound periodicals and was almost always empty. He jogged down the stairs, walked as quickly as he could to the furthest corner from the door, and sank to the floor.

The panic attack fully hit in all it’s misery then. Virgil’s body curled in on itself, tensing up and spasming. Breathless sobs choked him. His skin was somehow too hot, he wanted to claw his way out, but inside he felt icy cold. Virgil tried to do his breathing exercises, but it was hard to focus on anything but how terrible he felt and the frantic banging of his heart.

Virgil had no idea how long it was before he slowly began to calm down. His sobs slowed and his breath came a little easier, his heartbeat began to slow, and his sore muscles started to unclench. He was exhausted, alone, and still very miserable. Virgil laboriously got to his feet, his legs still shaking. He couldn’t stay here too long, one of the librarians might come down and find him like this. Virgil needed to move, he needed to message his professors, there was no way he’d be making it to classes for the rest of the day.

He took a step and nearly fell, catching himself on a bookcase. This wasn’t good. Virgil wished he could call someone, anyone, for help. Someone to get him back to his dorm. Maybe even give him a hug. There was no one. No one he could trust-

Virgil felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Hand trembling, he pulled out his phone and unlocked it. One New Message From Logan.

“Virgil, I know that you weren’t planning to see me until tomorrow, but I saw you run into the library a moment ago in apparent distress. May I be of assistance?”

He sucked in a long unsteady breath. Virgil did not want Logan to see him like this, especially now that he probably knew how Virgil felt. He tried letting go of the bookcase that was holding him up and nearly collapsed before grabbing it and leaning against it. Virgil didn’t think he had much choice. If he didn’t reply, Logan might seek him out anyway, and it’s not like Virgil could make it back to his dorm anyway.

Virgil hit ‘call contact’, forgetting for a moment that he wasn’t supposed to use his phone in the library and if Logan was here probably wouldn’t answer. 

Logan’s voice answered after the second ring. “Virgil, where are you?” Logan’s voice wavered slightly and Virgil felt his stomach twist. His friend was so worried because of him.

“B-b-basement” Virgil said. His voice was raw from sobbing and he thought Logan might not understand him.  
“I’m on my way, Virgil. Stay where you are and I will come get you.” The sound of Logan’s voice was accompanied by the sound of echoing thuds. Rapid thuds. Footsteps, Virgil guessed as the door to the basement opened. He could hear Logan’s footsteps in the basement and through the phone now.

“Here” Virgil said, hoping Logan would hear him. Apparently he did because his footsteps grew faster and louder before Logan appeared around the opposite end of the bookcase that was currently keeping Virgil standing. In the space of a blink Logan was right in front of him, wrapping a strong arm around his waist and shifting his weight so that Virgil was leaning on him.

“I’ve got you. Do you need medical attention?”

Logan’s brown eyes were nearly black, staring at Virgil with an intensity Virgil had never seen before, not even for a complex puzzle or a lab project. Virgil slowly shook his head, but couldn’t look away from Logan’s eyes. His eyes screamed concern and near panic, and weren’t the eyes supposed to be the windows to the soul.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Logan’s voice was clipped but his arm around Virgil’s waist was gentle. Logan’s free hand was skimming over Virgil’s head, neck, and chest, seemingly looking for injuries.

“P-p-p-panic attack,” Logan nodded and dropped his hand to Virgil’s wrist to check his pulse. A few seconds passed as Logan concentrated on Virgil’s pulse, which was steadily getting back to normal.

“I’m sorry that you experienced that, Virgil. How can I help you?” 

Virgil gave a shuddering breath, “Can you help me get b-b-back to my dorm?”

Logan nodded, “Of course Virgil, my car is parked nearby. Put your arm around my shoulders and I’ll help you get there.”

Virgil was too tired to do anything but comply at this point, no matter how mortified he’d be later. He wrapped his arm around Logan’s shoulders. Virgil expected Logan to help him walk out to Logan’s car. He was very surprised when Logan lifted him bridal style and carried him to the elevator. 

Virgil was too tired to argue the horrible embarrassment. He hid his face in Logan’s shoulder as Logan carried him through the library and out to the parking lot. There was a moment while Logan struggled to reach his keys without setting Virgil down before he finally managed. Virgil didn’t remember much after that, just the inevitable welcome embrace of unconsciousness. For now he was safe. For now, he had Logan back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story keeps straying further and further from my original plans. Sorry for the delay on this chapter. This one took a lot out of me and there may be a longer delay before the next one.


	10. The Things You Do Side B

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stargazing from Logan's perspective

Logan sat beside Virgil, his lab partner from Earth and Climate who had become so much more, in the field behind the campus recreation center. It was the only spot on campus, really the only place for several miles, dark and clear enough for stargazing. It had been his spot where he came to be alone with the night sky, until he’d met Virgil.

Logan’s eyes were on the stars, but his thoughts were of the young man sitting beside him. Virgil was attractive even though he dressed, spoke, and behaved in a way meant to keep others away. But mere physical attraction was not the foundation of their relationship. No, they shared much more than that. While working together, Logan had found that the two of them shared quick wits and a love of banter, an interest in science and how the world works, the same brand of hair dye, and a surprising need for physical contact in spite of their outward appearances.

He turned to look at Virgil. His companion, his friend, and more recently his crush, was looking at the stars, eyes glazed a little, mind clearly somewhere else. What held Logan’s attention was the rare peaceful smile on Virgil’s face. He would give up his entire collection of Sherlock Holmes books, television shows, films and memorabilia to be the cause of such a smile. 

What Logan wanted even more than that smile, was Virgil’s continued presence in his life, preferably as a new member of his polyamorous relationship. He loved Patton and Roman and enjoyed living with them, but he was starting to fall for Virgil as well. His relationship was open with a caveat: he had to have his partners approval.

Patton and Roman had been hearing about Virgil for weeks and hadn’t seemed surprised when Logan had brought up his feelings for his lab partner, but had insisted on meeting him first. Logan had agreed, it was a logical request, and if it went well, maybe Virgil could begin dating all of them. But first, he needed to ask Virgil without overwhelming him.

Hence, the stargazing. They were alone, no outside influences. The stars were soothing, for both himself and Virgil. And they could stay as long as they liked, the field wouldn’t close in the middle of a conversation like a restaurant could or seem too suggestive like his room or Virgil’s apartment. The fact that there was a meteor shower tonight was simply an excuse.

Logan took a deep breath and looked down at the ground between them, “I think you’d get along well with my boyfriends.” 

There was a beat of absolute silence before, “Oh, what makes you say that?”

Logan frowned slightly, that was not the reaction he’d anticipated and he perceived something was off. He ignored it, chalking it up to nerves and continued.   
“Several reasons. My boyfriends are some of the most important people in my life,” he heard Virgil draw in a breath and he hastened to continue, “so when someone new becomes important to me they’re the first ones to know. They have pointed out to me that I speak of you often and similarly to how I speak of them.” Logan waited a moment for the new information to sink in, “The relationship I have with them is unique in that it is open only in cases of shared interest. So my partners would like to meet you, Virgil, if that’s acceptable?”

Logan dared to look up at Virgil then, searching for some sign that he understood, that he felt something too. What he saw was fear, and it tore him up inside to see Virgil look at him like he was a threat.

“I’m really tired, think I’ll skip the meteor shower tonight.” Virgil was already scurrying backwards into a standing position, turning and walking briskly away.

“Virgil, wait-”

“I’ll see you in lab.” And then Virgil disappeared around the side of the rec center and Logan was so lost. 

He wanted to run after his friend, ask what he did wrong, but that look. Logan released a breath he hadn’t been aware of holding, he never wanted Virgil to look at him like that again. Logan lay down, eyes on the stars and mind replaying their conversation over and over again.

What had he done wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter might be a while coming, struggling with the series of events and the best way to communicate them. In the mean time, I hope you've enjoyed this little peek into Logan's mind.


	11. Can You Light The Fire?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the library

Virgil woke slowly, body aching, head pounding and throat dry. He wondered if he had a hangover before his memory started coming back to him. Coffee. Patton. Patton knows. Patton knows Logan. Panic. Library. Phone. Logan. Logan saw him. Logan helped him. Logan-

Virgil sat up quickly,eyes snapping open and immediately regretted it. His vision swam and his head throbbed as he tried to pull himself together. Virgil was in his clothes in his bed. A careful look at his nightstand saw a bottle of water and a packet of tylenol. He sighed and reached for the bottle when he heard a deep sigh from the floor. 

Mindful of his sore head and limited balance this time, Virgil tentatively leaned to look over the edge of his mattress to find Logan asleep on the floor, glasses askew. His jaw hung slack, there was too much to process. The only semi-coherent thought that reached Virgil’s consciousness was how is he even more attractive asleep on the floor? 

Nope, too much. Virgil ignored his memories, his lab partner, estranged friend, and crush sleeping on the floor, and his conflicting emotions in favor of taking the tylenol and sipping from the water bottle. Thoughts and feelings kept reaching for him in the silence, trying to get his attention and he swallowed them back each time with a sip of water. He didn’t want to have another panic attack in front of Logan when his emotions came crashing in again. 

Virgil huffed a small exasperated sigh, of course he’d run out of water before he ran out of emotions. He set the empty bottle back on the nightstand and lay back down, willing himself to fall asleep again before Logan woke up. But it was Virgil’s unlucky day and Logan started to stir before he had even shut his eyes.

“Virgil?” His heart did a traitorous flip in his chest and he silently cursed the universe for giving Logan the sexiest sleep-rough voice since Toby Denison. But it was the obvious concern that made him answer.

“Hey Logan.” Virgil blushed, could he be anymore awkward?

Logan sat up and Virgil rolled over, reluctantly making eye contact. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“Fine. Sore, but yeah, fine. How are you?” Virgil wanted to smack himself. It felt stupid and awkward but Logan appeared not to notice.

His companion stretched his arms over his head and tilted his head from side to side. 

“I’m well. I apologize for staying without your express consent, but I was concerned for your wellbeing and did not think it wise to leave you as you were.” 

Virgil’s stomach tied itself in knots and his stupid, stupid heart nearly burst with joy. His heart said Logan cared, Logan wanted to be with him. Logan looked after him. His head reminded him that Logan had apologized for staying and probably regretted it. Logan was just being nice. He’d been a burden on his friend.

“I- It’s okay. Thank you, for… well, everything. You didn’t have to stay,” Virgil dropped his gaze to his bedspread, fixating on a small pull in the fabric near his elbow, “but I appreciate it.”

He could see Logan drop his arms down from his stretch in his peripheral vision.

“Virgil, I realise that this is not the ideal time to discuss what has been going on between us.” 

Virgil flinched. No, now was absolutely not the time for that. Then again, there may never be a good time for that. 

“However,” Logan continued, “I want you to know that as your classmate and as your friend, I’m worried about you. And if or when you decide that you’re ready to talk to me again, I will be here for you.” 

Logan slowly got to his feet while Virgil’s head whirled with conflicting thoughts and feelings. Don’t let him go! You’ve already lost him, he’s just waiting until you’re ready to hear it. You should say something. There’s nothing more to say. YOU LOVE HIM YOU IDIOT!

The last thought had Virgil’s had shooting out and grabbing Logan’s wrist before he’d registered what he was doing. He couldn’t look up yet, wasn’t ready to see Logan’s reaction, but he could try to be honest with his friend.

“When. It’s when, Logan. I-I’m not good to talk about it just yet, but you’re still my friend.” Logan’s arm shifted and Virgil loosened his grip, expecting Logan to pull away. Instead, Logan slipped his hand into Virgil’s and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

“When,” Logan replied. It was a statement, a goodbye, but an only for now goodbye. 

Virgil felt Logan release his hand and heard him exit the room. He didn’t look up until Logan’s footsteps had retreated down the hall and out of earshot. His face was flushed and he felt like his cheeks were on fire. 

When.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your patience awaiting this chapter. There should only be two more after this, the final chapter and the epilogue. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as (preferably more) than I've enjoyed writing it.


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